Catharsis

"Look. The supermodel's a beautiful girl, Will. She can make you dizzy, like you've been drinking Jack all morning. She can make you feel high for -- the greatest commodity known to man - promise; the promise of a better day; the promise of a greater hope the promise of a new tomorrow. This particular ore can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl -- in her smile, in her soul; in the way she makes every rotten thing about life seem OK. The supermodels, Willie? That's all they are -- bottled promise. Scenes from a new day; hope in stiletto heels."

Something about that one certain movie -- it doesn't matter the movie. I didn't want to watch it again, I knew it would hurt. That one movie, for anyone, is cathartic. Christopher Robin outgrew Pooh, Willie explained. I hate being Pooh.

That's it for today. I'll be fine -- it's just that I should be studying for comps. I'll be fine.

Let's See

I may have jinxed myself. I bought a graduation dress.

In the meantime, I have finished Absalom, Absalom! (yes, the double punctuation, here, is intentional). When I finished it, all finally made sense. I started talking about it with Bob (my study partner) and everything kind of fell together for both of us. Of course, he hasn't read it yet ... (he read Nights first).

Thanks to Tom, I found THE correct passage in The Bible and II Samuel has helped. Figures that it takes my atheistic friend to know the Christian things I (the great Catholic that I am) should have known.

I am almost finished with Nights at the Circus. I am actually liking it so far. It's twisted and macabre and morbid and gothic and, frankly, endearing. It's funny without being silly and poignant without being sappy. It's erotic without being graphic and, actually, a pretty easy read. I really like it. Albina would also like it, I think. Just a suggestion ...

I am feeling better. A few days this week I actually felt like myself, again. I still have waves of dizziness sometimes, but they aren't as bad or disruptive to my life. Speaking of, I need to file my taxes and get them faxed to Biogen. They are going to cover my meds for two years. Hmmm. I am quite ambivalent on this issue. More on that when I have time to sort out my feelings.

Amber is spending the night again tonight. I would have finished Nights by now if she hadn't unexpectedly descended upon us. Whatever.

I may not have said this, yet, but here it is in writing. If I had money at all, I would help my parents. There. In writing. Enough said.

Hey. Without naming names (for those with whom I haven't already shared), a dear friend of mine with whom I fought for many years about the existence of God ... well, he has recently (within the last few months) "found" God. I am so happy! I am a crappy Christian and even worse as a Catholic, but my belief is "there." "My heart is full" (to quote a bad sitcom, the name of which I also will not share).

I now have hives, again ... I saw the doctor. He ran a battery of allergy tests -- not a damned thing. He was more than surprised. He says that everyone comes back allergic to something -- everyone but me. So we have both decided that the hives stem from stress. I need to destress soon. After March 4th!!!

Okay, back to Comps. I need to look quickly at Frankenstein again, memorize some names, places & dates, cover Everyman and the two poems, yet again ... and I have my exams a week from tomorrow. I can do this. I WILL pass -- with God's help.

I'm trying, honey! It's hard for a control freak to give her life over to God. But I am trying.

More on Comps

I saw Dr. Giles today to see if he could help me with Absalom, Absalom! He gave me some good suggestions. He said I probably DON'T need any criticism. I'm not sure which way to go, now. I think I am just going to keep doing what I'm doing. I think if I have criticism, it would only help. It really can't hurt.

Lia got to play with someone who is really her own size, today. Joe's buddy, Trevor, brought over his lab. She is only about a month younger than Lia. They played really good. I think Lia is the perfect size, though Trevor's dog is quite a bit smaller -- thinner, primarily. I am looking forward to seeing the vet, soon. I don't anticipate any big issues about her weight, but perhaps I'm wrong.

I'm feeling a little better, today. The dizziness seems primarily connected to Uthoff's (the same issue as my eye). Once I cool off, I feel better. I can drive with pretty much no problems. I can read--though with, apparently, poor comprehension.

I JUST DON'T GET ABSALOM, ABSALOM! Thank God for Spark Notes. I struggle through each chapter and then figure out what in the bloody-hell happened by reviewing the Spark Notes on the chapter. While I was at it, I bought the Frankenstein and Beloved Spark Notes and found an online-lesson plan for Everyman. It's not cheating if you actually read the stuff. I don't know how to get this across to my students. I'm totally okay with Spark Notes (though they don't need it this semester) as long as they are used as they are intended -- STUDY GUIDES (unlike the way that I used them while I was at AU -- how did I ever graduate Summa Cum Laude??).

Gotta Love Disney

You scored as Donald Duck. Your alter ego is Donald Duck!Try as you might,you have a nasty temper that is hard to control. But you try hard to please, and you aren't one to go down without a fight. Donald Duck 81% Cinderella 75% Peter Pan 63% The Beast 63% Ariel 56% Sleeping Beauty 50% Cruella De Ville 50% Goofy 50% Snow White 38% Pinocchio 19% Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego? created with QuizFarm.com

Been A While

Short and ... well ... uninteresting?

I learned something new about MS this week. I've felt like crap for the last week. I've been really dizzy. My massage therapist noticed that my sinuses were really stuffed when I saw her last Friday. Funny, I didn't notice. By Monday, I felt like I was at death's door. I saw my regular doctor (Dr. Katula is just awesome, I must say). He said I had a sinus infection and that's where the dizziness came from. Well, after 4 days of antibiotics, I was feeling worse, not better. I called my neurologist -- turns out that my explanation "dizzy in my left eye" made a whole lot of sense to him. I'm sure he's heard it all by now, of course, but I still felt stupid. After talking to him, I feel better (emotionally, anyway). He explained that any infection will exacerbate previous MS symptoms. Thus, the "dizzy" in my bad eye.

Anyway, I haven't really been able to read well because of the dizziness, but I did manage to finally finish Beloved. I found a great piece of literary criticism entitled, "Why I Hate Beloved." My thoughts exactly. I realize that my mother is very right about saying that her mind is precious. What she chooses to put in her mind is very carefully screened. For the rest of my mother-fucking life I am going to have these horrible images in my mind.

Toni Morrison is a great writer because she did what I admire most about an author -- she drew me a very clear picture. I am a visual person -- the images I have in my mind from that book will haunt my life. I have previously chosen not to read this book -- I would never have opted to pick it up. But thanks to the powers-that-be at NIU, I had to read it. Fuck them!

I am behind, of course, in my preparations for comps. Tomorrow, I start Absalom! Absalom!