Just Don't Know

I feel okay about the comps, generally. I slept for total shit last night (anxiety, I'm sure) so I am going to try to convey the story quickly.

I got home about 9:30 last night to find Amber here for the night. Dammit. Didn't have energy for that! I took a 45 minute bath. Andy called to wish me good luck. We talked for a little, but we both needed rest.

I closed Amber up in Mom's room about 10:45. I crawled into bed and by 11:30, I was out (I time my sleep with the ending/beginning of the 1/2 sitcom on television -- the one I was watching hadn't ended last I remember). Around midnight, Lia went bezerk, as did Amber. Apparently, Doug came in the house and freaked them both out. Amber went home ... I thought I would sleep. At 3:00, I was still awake and had been listening to Joe snore on the couch for some time. I fell asleep eventually, but my sleep was disturbed by anxiety dreams -- nothing "naked," but I was late and panicked. I hate those dreams.

I met Bob at The Junction for breakfast. We went over the Old English poems and Everyman, again. I'm glad we did.

We both got over to Reavis. Andy was unpacking the bar ... he brought libations for after the exam. 22 of us crammed into NWR, received brief instructions and then were told to open our envelopes and get started.

I wanted to jump for joy! The exam was divided into 3 parts: 1) British Lit pre 1600; 2) British Lit post 1600; 3) American Lit. There were two questions to chose from in each part. I answered the first question I read in the first section0--it asked about the idea of exile and the importance of companionship in the poems and Everyman. YEAH! I didn't even look at the other question, but was the first to start typing and that was within about 2 minutes of the start of the exam. I finished the first question in about 40 (give or take 5 double-spaced pages) minutes and took a cigarette break.

I came back; settled in; looked at the first question in part two--it asked about the narrative structure in Frankenstein and Nights at the Circus. Again -- YEAH! This was the hardest question for me -- I knew the material. I was ready for that specific question. Dr. Swanson asked for a discussion of whether the word (as handed through multiple narrative levels) had meaning in constructing the world for these characters and for the reader. This was a tack-on at the end of the main part of the question which asked us to discuss the effect of the narrative structure on the reader with regard to his/her considering the narrator to be believable. Yeah, I had that part -- it was just the rest of it I'm not thrilled with. I only got about 4 pages here and I really don't know if I truly answered the question. I finished this one up at about 3:30 or so (around 1 1/2 hours).

Again, I took a cigarette break and came back ready to tackle the third part. I still had 1 1/2 hours -- but I finished in about 40 minutes, again -- 5 pages, again. This time, Dr. Layson wanted to know how the idea of parenthood affected the stories of Sutpen (Absalom, Absalom!) and Sethe (Beloved). PERFECT. Bob and I had talked about it a lot.

So, I finished up, e-mailed myself a copy of my answers, took my packet to the Department Chair (Dr. Eubanks) and went to Andy's office for a tall cup of Parrot Bay and Diet Pepsi -- really heavy on the Parrot Bay. I had to beg off after that knowing I had to drive and my eyesight (the double vision) really doesn't cooperate in evening light with headlights from oncoming cars.

I was going to go out with Stephanie tonight, but she's sick. Instead, I watched Proof with my mother and then ended the evening with a shouting match as to whether or not I deserved to have a $200.00 massage and parafin wax body treatment on Thursday. Fuck it. I needed it and it felt damned good.

Okay. That's it. I will advise in a month or so as to whether or not I passed. In the meantime, I'll just stew in my anxiety and wait it out.