Venting

I really don't understand bitter people. I always thought that I was bitter -- cold -- resentful. I find out every term, during "articulation" sessions, that I am a big softie. If you hate students, you shouldn't teach. If you hate helping people learn to write, you shoudn't teach writing. If you hate people in general -- just do us all a favor and remove yourself from the gene pool.

I shall explain: The First Year Comp program at NIU has required sessions each semester where all instructors can gather in groups to evaluate sample student writing. This "calibrates" the grades that various teachers are giving to their students. Or ... this process is supposed to calibrate the grading process. There was one girl in my group, a new TA, who is just plain bitter. I know this from her attitude in some of the courses I have had with her. For instance, Victorian Lit this past summer and Bloomsbury this term. She is not pleasant. I suppose it could be personal, but I really just don't think so. She was absolutely wicked and unrelenting in her grading style.

I suppose I take her grading personally -- and some of the organizers of this session should have been more thorough -- THREE OF THE FIVE PORTFOLIOS THAT WERE OFFICIALLY EVALUATED BY ALL OF THE INSTRUCTORS WERE FROM MY STUDENTS! This is a true compliment. Each was chosen as an example of "good" portfolios. Considering that these were randomly selected (2 from each section -- a total of 6 of my students' portfolios), I am very proud. I guess I did get somewhat lucky because I had great students. But it had to be more than luck -- any of my students could have been selected (except 1 from the fall term -- he failed the course) and the portfolios would have been very good. Am I a good teacher? Sometimes. Am I a good person? Sometimes. Am I tolerant of students and do I maintain fair expectations? Almost always.

"B" (as I will call her) is not a pleasant person, as I have stated before. I am ranting, I know. But I'm stomping pissed. No one knew that these were my students, but ... How can you teach English on the college level without some understanding of what students will know when they come to you? What a fucking bitch! I am not happy ... I know I am hiding it well, but bear with me.

Okay. I am breathing, now. I will get over it eventually.