Still Trying

I cheated twice yesterday -- Joe left his in an accessible and visible place -- nearly impossible to resist. I resisted later, though. I made a huge batch of chocolate chip cookies -- amazing how those can ease the pain.

It's 9:15 and I am already horribly craving a cigarette. I was thinking about this. I think I would rather be thin than a non-smoker. I can't keep eating to ease the pain. I really like smoking -- I don't like the way I feel, though. My lungs are always full of something; my back and neck are always killing me (apparently smoking has a lot to do with that); I can't swim anything but backstroke because I can't breathe; I can't make it up two flights of stairs without stopping for a rest -- again because I can't breathe; and it freaking costs too much.