Drugs are good

I'd like to see if my doctor will continue these drugs until finals are over in about 3 weeks. I can't face crashing now. I've gotten so much done! I did all of my searches for William Byrd's secondary materials (those I can get done on line). Now I have to go through each of the searches and eliminate all the duplicates. Then I have to find the articles and follow the breadcrumbs to see if there are any articles I am missing.

I want to do this project right. I could get it published. I have 45 (okay -- 11 haven't turned them in yet) webographies to grade and then next week -- I'm grading 45 (hopefully) research papers in 1/2 hour shifts. We'll see how well that works (I anticipate pretty well, actually -- but only if I don't totally crash after they switch me to an oral taper off of Prednisone.

The eye is coming back. I don't think it's 100%, but the promise is that I will get "most" of my vision back. Again, we'll see. According to everything I've read so far, it sounds like it could take a few weeks, maybe even a few months, but that everything is quite promising given my treatments.

I read 4 novels in 3 days. I highlighted, wrote notes in the margins, made inspired observations -- and I can't remember a single word of any plot line, a single character name, or the ending of any of the books (let alone what started the books). But I have really good notes. I wonder if I can pull off my finals on those notes alone -- or even carry class discussion remotely believably.

I finally slept for about an hour this evening. Crashed pretty quick because I was crying over the Murphy Brown "Avery Died" episode. Then I slept. Of course, I also cried all the way through Princess Diaries and 10 Things I Hate About You today. I laughed non-stop (maniacally -- is that spelled right? -- at times) through 2 episodes of Band of Brothers (Dad's got the DVD set).

I bought $15 worth of snacks at the store when I snuck out for 5 minutes after the nurse called to "check" on me tonight. Then I wouldn't eat any of them. I seem to be having a "bonus" reaction to the solumedrol (the big steroid). I am not having the hunger that others do -- I don't want anything. Besides, I can't focus on food long enough to finish eating whatver I have started to eat -- I wander off and do homework while my food gets cold. So -- I checked and it appears that I've lost (since about 4 weeks ago when I saw my personal trainer) about 20 pounds. This is so cool. I want to stay on this drug forever.

Managed to miss Jack's call. He's having prostrate (or is it prostate -- whatever) surgery on Wednesday -- he has cancer and he's having it removed. I called him back and he shared a little on the TMI end. But I love Jack and if he wants to tell me about his and Ruth's plans for their future sex life -- hey, that's awesome. I love both of them. Hell, I love everyone (even the asshole) right now because I'm totally looped.

I have decided that if my students did anything even remotely resembling the assignment on the Webography (a project I totally hate anyway and wouldn't do unless I was forced to as I am) then they're getting an "A." Screw it. Life's obviously too fucking short. Everyone is getting an A and I don't care -- so fuckin' fire me!

Then I'll go get a job before the "official diagnosis" becomes "public" and get health insurance before anyone fucking finds out.

Or -- I'll stay in school on their damned (but not bad considering they're paying for the home health care and every single "2nd opinion -- 3rd opinion -- specialist, etc.) health insurance until they either kick me out or give me a fucking PhD.

I informed my brothers and sisters that I don't want to be, by the way, stuck in a nursing home drooling and pissing myself in a corner when they bring their kids in and point at their PhD sister in the corner babbling nonsensically. They all looked a little worried -- or maybe they just thought I needed to get off the massive drugs.

So pot smoking is considered a prerequisite to being a college professor. A few of my friends seem to think it would be a good time for me to go ahead and take this up. I hate pot. It makes me stupid. I really, really hate it. Figures. The one thing that I hate that much (other than the asshole) seems to hold the most promise for keeping my condition in remission or from ever really acting up at all. Shit.

Why couldn't it have been beer? I actually have grown quite fond of beer. Of course, I haven't finished more than 1 in a week in several years. Fuck.

I'm fine, though. Eye is working better. Can drive after my intravenous dose tomorrow. Going to get the fuck out and get some "me" time.